That's what I'm trying to reach up to recently. For a start I stopped to - in Thomas D's words - base my very existence on the suffering of other beings. I am a vegetarian now. It's only three weeks since I started this, so it is definitely nothing to brag about yet, and I honestly fear that sooner or later there is going to be this one moment of weakness so that everything I tried for will have been for naught.
Additionally, I am really trying to become a better person in other aspects of life too. But some of these days it just seems like all I do is climbing and climbing and climbing but I don't seem to go any further up. It's really frustrating to see that all it takes is just one little mistake to destroy everything you tried for. My life more and more seems to be a constant struggle against myself. And I don't like this one little bit. Who would?
I know this probably all seems kind of random to anybody who is not me - and doesn't know what prompted me to question my own morality just now - but I don't care. I wanted to write more personal stuff, and writing about this is not only - hopefully - helping me hone my writing skills but it usually helps me to understand myself better.
Anyways, I really need to get out of this stinking, filthy pool of misery and self-doubt. And that's exactly where I'm going now. Out.
As Joey says: "There's no meat in beer, right?"
Gonna get drunk now.
Posted by kreetrapper at 13.02.06 19:01 in Thoughtgasm